Dog Fights a Bull and Gets Sued
ENCINO, CA - Taylor Swift Pucci, a chihuhua from California, found himself unexpectedly at the center of a local security incident when an agitated bull broke loose and charged at…
Hurricane Erin Threatens U.S Coast with a Good Time
Hurricane Erin, a Category 4 storm system with sustained winds of 140 mph, is barreling toward the Eastern Seaboard with what meteorologists are calling "devastating conditions" expected to make landfall…
Remote Worker Keeps His Balls in the Air
"Some people say I was caught. But, I am the one doing the catching. I am literally juggling tiny humans in my hands. I am a god." - Derek Pemberton,…
Local Man Discovers Therapist Is Actually Real Person, Not AI Chatbot
SALT LAKE CITY, UT - Marketing consultant Brad Henderson made what he called a "genuinely unsettling discovery" last Tuesday when he realized his therapist of eight months, Dr. Sarah Chen,…
Sydney Sweeney Launches Limited Edition Suppository Made with Her Used Ear Wax
“I just felt like I needed to share my personal wellness with my fans in a way that's deeply intimate,” said Sydney in a statement on her social media. “I’ve…
Haribo Goldbear Fired After Marijuana Found in Gummy Colas
Amsterdam, Netherlands - A Haribo Goldbear has been fired after several people reported feeling unwell while consuming multiple gummy colas from a 1kg pack of Haribo Happy Cola F!ZZ. Upon…
FAA to Replace Air Traffic Control Systems with Nintendo Switch 2 Following Presidential Demo
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Donald Trump announced Tuesday that the Federal Aviation Administration will immediately begin replacing all air traffic control equipment with Nintendo's upcoming Switch 2 gaming console. The…
Flatulence Enters the Future: “Silent but Deadly” No Longer Applies
Palo Alto, CA - In a breakthrough that may forever alter the social landscape of the office, elevator, and family dinner, a new wave of "flatulence tech" is poised to…